I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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