Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
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