I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
