you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize