My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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