I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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