fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
