It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
