im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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