when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
