At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
