I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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