My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
