She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
