Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
