Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
