just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
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the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
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new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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