You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
