a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize