True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
