omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize