he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
