You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
