I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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