Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
please don't ironically join a cult
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