Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
