I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize