that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
