I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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