This girl is more easily done than said...
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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