I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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