That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
