can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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