Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
