I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Randomize
