sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
