talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
