He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
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WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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