The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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