u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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