I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
