this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
