i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
