Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
