Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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