She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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