All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
