I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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