The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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