the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
