Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
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This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
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They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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