Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
