I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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