I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
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cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
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Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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