Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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