Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
