The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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