I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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