Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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