I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
