Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
