Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
