Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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